I just wanted some bread. And a soda. But, I had made this whole pronouncement on Facebook about being newly low-carb and sugar-free to lose the middle-aged spread that has been creeping on over the last few years. Instead of using some restraint, I snuck around a local restaurant, asking to sit in the back booth so no one would see me when I ordered a cheese steak and a coke.

I have successfully taken off weight many times before, but at 46, I cannot seem to muster up any willpower. I want comfort. Because comfort does not equal: “so hungry I could chew my arm off.”

I continue to jump on and off the weight loss bandwagon on a regular basis. I own all of the paid calorie-counting apps on my phone. ALL OF THEM. I am using none of them. I’m pretty sure that my Fitbit has reported me either dead or in a coma.

I think the largest part of my problem is that I am so “all in” on anything I do. In the past year, I’ve tried the following: The Quantum Wellness Cleanse, The 21-Day Fix, Weight Watchers, Shakeology, and a vegan diet. I’ve gone back to running and tried swimming while successfully gaining and losing the same ten pounds multiple times.

The great swimming experiment would be an example of my “all in—all the time” mentality. I met with the folks at Shepherd University to help them get an adult swim team started—followed by joining the U.S. Master’s Swim Team organization, buying a new suit and goggles, paying for a month at Shepherd Wellness, and going to exactly ONE swim team practice, which to this day, my husband refers to as the most expensive 45 minutes of swimming, ever.

When I committed to the swim team idea, in my mind, I was still 18. I was going to fly past my competition in the pool. In fact, they would be so astounded by my moves, they would probably ask me to coach. I calculated all the calories I was going to burn and the awards I was going to rack up in my age group. But, it turns out I was kind of old, and out of shape. What really happened was a hot mess of flailing around in the water, followed by almost drowning. I scurried out of the pool early before the high school team arrived, so my daughter wouldn’t have to hear about me at school the next day. My pride was wounded and that water was cold.

My friends and family have pointed out to me on more than one occasion that I am not on an episode of “Extreme Dieting,” and that perhaps moderation would be a good idea. They say I should take small steps for better health, like drinking more water and less coffee and vodka.

So, this morning, I got up and stepped on the scale. The carb/sugar episode caused the number to jump up three pounds. I made myself a protein shake and opened up My Fitness Pal for the first time in a year. I’m going to see how these small changes work, and try to keep myself from latching onto the next fad.

Liz is the owner of Renew Yoga in Charles Town and Shepherdstown. You can find her online or on Facebook.

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